♥Heretofore

 

I left it to you ya Tuhan, 

My dreams,

My prayers,

and what i could not tell anyone. 

You know me the best. 

♥Today

Untuk yang pernah ada, cukup.

Tidak perlu lagi kata maaf atau terima kasih.

Cukup sampai disitu sahaja.

Masa dan harta yang pernah diberi hanyalah pinjaman Tuhan untuk dikongsi.

Biarkan hanya aku, kau dan Tuhan sahaja yang tahu kita pernah bersua.

Redha dengan segala galanya.

Tidak mahu lagi ada apa apa kaitan, 

bukan tanda dendam atau tidak memafkan.

Tiada dendam yang tersimpan. 

Cuma terlalu perit untuk bersua, 

terlalu sakit rasa yang diterima.

Serik & takut rasa itu kembali.

Rasa sakit yang terlalu perit untuk diterima,

terlalu perit untuk dihadapi.

Memaafkan bukan beerti boleh menerima.

Memaafkan hanya untuk diri, agar dapat terus hidup.

Syukur, sumpah sudah bahagia, sumpah sudah lupakan semua.

Terlalu cukup segalanya disini.

Terlalu cukup hingga "layakkah diri ini?" melayang layang.

Untuk yang mendatang,

harap diterima apa yang tersandang,

pertamanya, maafkan aku sayang.

♥Hiraeth

Untuk yang pernah ada, cukup.

12 February 2019, 

selamat ulang tahun awak.

i saw your stories, her stories on instagram.

You had a great birthday yeah?

Tbh, im jelous. That should be me with you? 

Nah.. I idk.

Didnt move on yet, maybe?

i realy don't know what i should do about this.

still loving you? 

or just cant move on? 

or maybe i just cant forgive you yet?

You brought her to see your mom.

You didnt do that with me?

You bought her things.

You didnt buy for me? not even on my birthday.

You showed her off, 

you were proud of her, 

you praised her in public.

You didnt do that for me?

I honestly did not know what you felt about me when we were together.

I dont know what those 5years meant to you. 

I just do not get it.

You left me with millions of thoughts. 

Just like that.

was i not enough? 

where did it go wrong? 

what did i lack?

should i have done better? 

was my effort still not enough after all this? 

did i not meet your expectations? 

and what did your "iloveyou" mean on every single night and morning? 

What made your heart change drastically? 

What about all our promises? 

Your promises to me? 

But yeah, youre my past now. 

Too many questions still lingering around.

Sigh... 

No matter how many times my mind says "it is what it is" 

But still, deep down in my heart wishes shit was different.

Happy bithday. If happy is her, im happy for you.