♥ Fading away~

I wish i could do that, fading away. With no one will notice, with no one will know about my disappearance, with no one will ever care. I just want to being born again. Fix my mistake. Fix the path that i take. Fix everything that makes me feel that im freaking useless. 

Im not saying that im giving up. But life just too hard for me to being strong.I need more than strong to get through this. Theres alot of things getting in my way. Theres alot of wall that i need to break. I cant. Every single thing is getting harder and harder.Sometime i wonder, am i in the wrong path? Am i doing the right things? am i okay? Why im still doing this? But who am i to ask Allah's plan and will right? 

"Its all back to Allah. "On no soul doth Allah place a burden greater than it can bear." (Surah Baqarah Verse 286) In the name of Allah, we praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. You just need to take your time, take a deep breath and remember Allah will never make his slave out of control, its all in His plan, what good for us, whats bad for us. 

Its all back to Allah. "He (Allah) created death and life that He may test you, to see which of you is the best in deeds." (Surah Al Mulk verse 2). Allah gave us the test to determine whether one is grateful or ungrateful when faced with adverse conditions."

Buat yang terbaik adalah jalan yang paling baik. Sentiasa berfikiran positive. Something good will came across while im doing the best for the test that being given. I'll just need to pray and wait for it. Whats the meaning of life when its getting easier right? When life is getting harder, its mean you've achieved higher level in your life and indirectly, its show you've increased your experience, isnt it sounds good?

So, lagi 5 hari i'll back to Arau. Cuti semester dah selesai. In a blink of an eye. Seriously. Sumpah aku tak bersedia langsung untuk semester ke-4 ni. Dah macam macam aku lalui selama 3 semester ni. I hope this diploma thingy will end as soon as possible. Cukup aku cakap, aku penat. I'll not updating this blog as always. Maybe twice a month? or one per month? or nothing for this upcoming five month? Ntah la, tengok la nanti. Buat masa ni, doakan aku. See you when i see you ;) adios.

♥ Any inquiries?

Ask me down there, in the comment section. You can ask me anything, but not a really really really personal things or else i'll ignore it. I'll update this entry to answer you. Kenapa? Sebab ntah le terasa nak jawab soalan orang. Kehkeh. Secara taklangsung if the answer can help people, i got the reward rite? Hehe. Adios.

Alia Azman : Haii..haa..dah alang2 tnya..jom share ngn sya tips study..hahhaha..study week sya dah nak dekat ni..hehe..

Ha tips study? Kehkeh, my study pun ehem ehem tak seberapa. T_T Tapi based on my study type.. nahhh.. Im not really study. Serius. Im a last minute person. Esok nak test/quiz/final, malam or pagi sebelum esok tu baru i start study. and based on my observation, I'll easily remember when i really really really interested on the lecture and the subject because secara tak langsung i can pay the fullest attention in the class. bila aku pay attention, apa yg aku dengar aku salin puffff terus melekat dalam otak. Tapi orang berbeza beza rite? Try and error on your self, which study tips yang berkesan for you. buat note mind maping ke list down ke, study dengar lagu ke, senyap sunyi sepi ke, study group ke, study dari awal ke, study sambil tidur ke. lol Tapi memandangkan Alia dah nak final.. just study hard. Rasanya dah tak sempat kut nak try and error. Kang error terus mampus aku nak menjawab pulak T_T Tanya terus kat member ke lect ke yang mana taktahu. Buang 'malas'. Seriously malas tu sumpah kena buang. Aku dah terjebak dengan malas and now i've got my repay. Tapi tak guna menyesal, benda dah jadi. Hahaha. btw goodluck on your final. STUDY HARD.

Sofie Adie : 1) Pernah bayangkan diri sendiri pada tujuh tahun akan datang? 
                  2) pernah tak rasa macam nak migrate ke negara lain? apakah negara itu?

Tujuh tahun akan datang. Hmm tak pernah. baca soalan ni baru terbayang. Rasanya i do nothing. Hahahaha serius. T_T My s4d lyf3 T_T Migrate ke negara lain. YES. A LOT OF COUNTRY. I cant even choose. Tapi paling paling teringin nak pi is Thailand. Oh god, you really should go google beautiful place in Thailand. T_T Ha dah terfikir apa akan jadi kat diri sendiri 7 tahun akan datang, Im enjoying my self at Thailand!!! YEAY! Hahaha 

♥ "Expect less, hurt less"

Hai, so sebelum habis cuti semester dan habis tahun 2015 yang sedang berada di hujung tanduk, aku nak update sebanyak yang mungkin. Ok harini nak cerita pasai EXPECTATION. Kenapa nak cerita pasai tu? Sebab semalam aku dah keciwa karena expectation. *mengesot ambil bantai busuk nangis tepi bucu bilik* 

Ok, sekarang ni semua org lebih suka meng-expect daripada seek for the real reality? Kan? paham tak? tak? k. krik krik. kehkeh abaikan. bukan orang je suka expect, aku pun sama dua kali lima seploh ja. Bukan kadang kadang, tapi hmm selalu. Tak kira la expect terhadap diri sendiri ka, expect terhadap orang ke. Lepas expect teruk teruk, and then tiba tiba tahu, reality dia tahi je sebenarnya, ha mula la sedih la down la. Expect tu macam main teka teka. Bila betul best la, cuba kalau salah? hmmm 

Cuba la kan, dalam real life kau bagitau bestfriend kau, si Minah bahawa kau expect Mamat tu suka kat si Minah yang juga suka pada Mamat. Minah ni buat la macam macam yang boleh tahan memalukan diri sendiri untuk nk bagi hint kat Mamat, supaya Mamat tau Minah suka dia jugak. Tiba tiba Mamat tu sebenarnya jijik tengok muka Minah dan nak bagi lagi sedih cerita, Mamat tu suka KAU? Peh Minah boleh jadi bunuh kau dan simpan mayat kau dalam peti ais. HAHAHAHAHAHA See expectation can lead to hopes and then lead to death. Hahahahahahahha

Mcm semalam, sebelum buka email untuk check result, aku expect boleh ah result aku gempak gedebum pom pom la sem ni, puih padahal. Aku expect lepas ni boleh la hidup ok tenang sikit lepas dpt result ni, puih padahal lepas tngok result, awan mendung menitik tap tap air hujan menghujani diri ku. T_T Nasib baik masih diberi nyawa oleh Allah lepas bukak email tengok result. Duh. One more expectation paling perit time cuti sem ni, bila mintak duit kat mak keluar la rm50 ke 30 ke, tapi yang keluar hanyalah rm10. Tapi ok la, dapat le jugak. kehkehkehkehkeh. 

Expect ni like sometime membantu jugak sebenarnya, sebab at least bila hang expect benda tu nak jadi, hang boleh prepare something before that. Tak kira la benda yang hang expect tu takbest ke best ke. Kalau expect benda best, hang boleh prepare untuk terima hari hari gembira hang soon, kalau expect benda yang kureng happy, you can prepare ice cream ke pizza ke banyak banyak dalam peti ais, so that bila your expectation yang buruk tu jd betul, hmm boleh le sumbat dalam mulut for mengubati kesedihan. Tapi, kalau aku, aku banyak expect benda best la, sebab weh? sapa yang nak expect benda takbest jadi? Tiba tiba bad expectation came to your mind, confirm kau tepis tepis expectation tu masuk peti ais sambil sedapkan hati. kan??? I bet semua orang buat ni kan? kehkeh

Tapi i think better stop le memperluaskan hang punya expectation tu, nanti kalau expectation hang ke laut, hang juga akan derma air mata hang kat laut tu. Sikit sikit dah le tabur expectation tu terhadap orang or diri sendiri. ok? ok. Dah taknak cakap banyak, erm padahal dah bercakap 3perenggan. moh le nengok video matlupi ni, dia cerita pasai expectation people to us. adios.

well, here we go.

Hey guys, update time.

Yeah, its semester break. Heh.. So.. its been a while since i didnt update this little dairy. Busy with final, life and etc. I didnt plan anything to fill this break. hehe takde hati nak kerja. sebab kerja semua memilih ceit. Stay home, clear my mind, and spend time with family would be the best for now. 

So bila dah kat rumah ni.. Haha biasalah. Ternak lemak, act tak ternak sngat la. Tak rasa makan banyak pun? heh :p Masa tidur pun berterabur. Orang tidur aku bangun, orang bangun aku bangun. Ha? Bila aku tidur? Nope, Hana never sleep. kehkehkeh. Movie marathon is the greatest thing that ever exist in this planet. lol. Its have been 13movies yg dah dimarathonkan selama 10 hari saya cuti ni. Ha ok ah tu, berfaedah jugak uitm bg cuti ni. Asyik tido je manjang, ape pekdah kome dapat? Tengok movie dpt jugak ilmu k. Haha ha.. ok. 

So since my baby dah balik dari Karisma2015, the next activity will be..... meronda!!!! *tanpa duit* em, oh. ok. YEAY ME. Urm. hm. ok. Ok lupakan. Hah just finished blogwalking just now, theres too many blog yg update how to spend the semester break wisely. lol let me tell you somethin, unplaned is really a nais thing gais. Like someone said "Dengan aku, jangan plan. Aku main redah je. So life get messy yet it is full of fun" ha gitu! Not all the thing we should organised it, schedule it, just let it be. Just go through the flow and you may find your eternity happiness. lol?

aduh tak bestnya tngok blog history tu. 2015, satu entry bulan october satu bulan august. kosongnya. Nampak beno busy tahun ni ye? Takpelah bagus Hana, takde la nampak macam orang takde life sangat asyik update entry je. Heheh, dah bye nk pi tngok movie. ^^ 

when life give you rotten lemon. lol

Too many draft. And yet im posting this puked rainbow unicorn. Yeah its okay to be different. That is what people seek for right? *sigh*

Hello bloggers. long time no see? its been a year right? Ha ha. Im totally a loser being here in University. Hahahahaha I hate my life here. Wait? what? Life? I dont even have life here? What is life? WHAT? Ha ha. Im just a little piece of shit beside the road that people being avoid. lol my perumpamaan. I should take sastera yeah? Go die with this science course. ._. I dont hate science, i just hate science. eh? what? Hehe. Bye. 

oh btw, to new student. you should really study hard from first semester or you will end up being a beautiful unicorn like me. *flips rainbow hair* ERGH why things always goes bad again and again? To make me realize that life aint heaven all the time. and to make me strong enough to face the future that i think will be more shit than now. hehe monologue is the best way to heal urself gais. you should try. because not everybody have their ear for you. right? keep on going, smile more. ;)

The end.

Hey guys, update time.

So, been more than a month i didnt sentuh this blog. 
Sebab apa? 
sebab banyak lagi benda lain kena buat.
sebab malas. 
sebab takde hati nak tulis blog. 
sebab final exam.

Sorry semester one. I've destroyed you. lol
My carry mark hampes.
My final exam going down to my feet. 
and my pointer soon will be straight to the hell.
the end.

"susah nanti nak cover balik kalau dah semester satu down" my dad said.
idk what to say anymore. its freeze. 
ada rasa macam a little bit putus asa. 
tapi still ada sikit perasaan untuk nak success. 
ergh they arent word for what i feel. -.-
whatever. 

So, im not being transferred to Tapah.
I'll stay here, in Arau til the end of this diploma.
Goodbye new friend. Hello to new friend "again"

so.. nothing to say anymore. 
Happy Eid-ul adha guys.
Berhenti makan sebelum kenyang ye.

bye, xoxo ♥

Adiós, amigos.

Hey guys, update time.
Have been a week. So.. maksudnya Bye Kulim hi Arau. Esok dah balik sana. Kemas baju tadi. Kak cakap "tudia baju, takmau balik sini dah ka?" Aku jawab "ha ah, nnt cuti sem baru nak balik" Nah kau confident je aku. Hahahaha tapi mmg fikir nak buat macam tu. Kalau balik pun nnt, weekends je? Jumaat sabtu ahad? Tak best langsung. Baru nak rehat, tup tup esok tu dah nak balik pulak. K penat. Baik duk sana, study. Balik bukan boleh study pun.  Eceh study la konon. ceit. Hahaha. Takpe. Tengok la macam mana nanti. Hiks. 

Balik sana memang tak boleh update ah. Laptop nnt next week baru dapat. Lambat lagi T_T Takpe. Janji ada laptop. Takpa. Nnt ada masa gua sneak in masuk makmal comp ber-air-cond. Lol. Hahaha. Sooooooo lastly, wish me luck guys. Bajet ada orang baca. Hahhahahahahaha. October ni aku dah habis. Lol serius rasa macam WEH KEJAP GILA BABENG DO. Ha. Sekarang dah August. Lagi dua bulan weh. Hahaha Final exam. Hahahaha. Hahahahahha. Serius aku still rasa otak aku kosong. ahahahahaha macam tak belajar apa. Tetambah cuti pulak ni? Memang zero ah. -_-' Mati aku. Serius mati. Hahahahahahahhaah takpe. Kita fokus. Kita TRY. Hana boleh. lol. #PrayForHana. LOLOLOLOLOL bye, xoxo ♥

Salam Perantau. lol

Hey guys, update time.

*sapu sawang* *vacuum carpet*

Yeay, im finally home. After two month being in Arau, Perlis. Lol aku boleh survive duk sanaaaa weh OMG OMG. lol Takde la teriak meraung guling guling sepanjang balkoni nak balik rumah ke rindu mak ke rindu ape ke. Hahahaha. So. Puasa pun dah. Raya pun dah. Haha bulan Jun langsung tak sempat apa untuk update blog ni. Memang tak berjumpa computer or laptop langsung. Jumpa pun sebab nak buat hal penting je. Untuk benda lain mmg macam takdak masa. Boleh tahan busy la awal awal masuk ni. Tapi macam enjoy ah kat sane. New place. New life style. New friend. Everything new! Hehehehehe.

Hahaha teringat first time gather in class, semua like diam bengong taktau nak sembang ape je. Bila dah sebulan lebih kenal, tetiba time tunggu nak berbuka puasa, kawan aku cakap "Woi budak bising, dulu aku tengok kau Hana, sorg sorg je. Jalan gi class sorg sorg, balik sorg sorg, tak cakap dengan orang. Buat hal ko sendiri je. Tak kisah pasal orang lain pun. Skarang nah, kau la orang paling happy and cakap paling banyak dalam class ni" Bhahahahhaahaha nah skali kena tarik macam tu gelak terus aku. Aku sambung "tu la tak kenal maka tak cinta weh" tetiba? hahahahhahaa Aku senang je nak kawan dengan aku. Dua je rules. Buat aku bercakap. Buat aku gelak. Then pufffff mmg automatic korang jadi kawan aku. Kalau kau pandai lagi sikit ambik hati aku lol maybe we can be bestfriend? Haha. But mmg korang kena start ah. Kalau aku nak start mmg tak ah. Sampai ke tua aku sanggup hidup sorang sorang daripada aku yang start dulu. Serious talk.

Ni pun seminggu je cuti. Ahad ni dah nak balik sana. Memang bersawang balik la blog ni. Takpe. Nanti ada masa kita update. Hehe. So far course science ni boleh la. Ade jugak sekali aku down teriak teriak takmau course ni sebab fikir aku takboleh nak follow nnt. Tapi takpe. Lepas beberapa minit merapu sorang sorang, lepas fikir dalam dalam and lepas ada orang tu cakap "Why not you try first? Try je la? Try the best. Try sampai penat sampai pengsan. Kalau boleh, untung. Kalau takboleh, bukan rezeki nak buat cannekan? At least ko dah try weh." Aku pun. Ha ah kan. Kenapa taknak try? Bukan senang nak dapat rezeki macam ni, aku dah dapat senang senang je cakap takmau. Takpe. Aku TRY. :)

Raya tahun ni complete. Cukup satu family. Semua orang ada. Dari 6 orang dah jadi 12. Hiks. 4 orang si kecil kecil cili padi. -_- and nnt tambah lagi sorang. ok. Penat kalau empat orang ni bergabung. Memang meletup rumah T_T Tapi takpe tu yang best. Kang dah balik sana, tiga orang duk dalam bilik, aku tngok hang hang tngok aku. ok. Hahahaha Nasib roommate sekepala dengan aku. Sorang tu suka makan. Sorang tu tukang merapu. Aku? Tukang layankan aje. Hahahaha

So... tu je kut? Last Happy Eid Mubarak guys. Have blast. Walaupun dah raya ke tiga. lol masih belum terlambat. Raya sebulan right? Jangan lupa puasa enam ye! hiks. And jangan lupa istiqamahkan apa yang anda lakukan pada bulan Ramadhan. Jangan kat bulan Ramadhan korg jadi lain, bulan lain korg jadi lain. Ye? Ha, jangan lupa jugak #FreePalestine #Pray4Gaza #GazaUnderAttack Ingat juga kat adik, abang, kakak kita kat sana. :'( Allah selamatkan mereka. Berikan kebebasan kepada mereka. Berikan keamanan kepada mereka. Amin. Thats all. Heeeeee see ya.  bye, xoxo ♥

People do change

Hey guys. Update time. 

So.. today im gonna talk about changes. Not again about my "dream" to change to be better. But now, its about people. feeling. friendship. and love. Erm, yeah lately "people do change" phrase keep on flying in my mind. So i decided to googled it. Ramai sangat yang berubah dalam hidup aku skarang. Rasa kosong. Yes. Totally kosong. Tak tahu nak fikir apa. Tak tahu nak buat apa. Tak tahu.

Its hurt right to see someone you love, someone you adore is not being what they used to be? not being the old of him/her self.  They've change. Change completely. The question is why? Whereas before this, they have promised to not to do that. Yeah people right, dont promise when you're happy. Dont talk when you're mad. Dont decide when you're sad. But, back to our fault too. Terlalu percaya and terlalu sayang. Yup! Bc of that.

The most answer for why and what makes people change is ;

♦ Pain 

♦ Time

♦ Being ignored

♦ Bored

♦ Learned a lot

Yeah i admit, its make sense and I believe its the main reason. But reason lain? I think, "some" people dont really change. Over time, we just know who they really are or they've open up their mask on their face or they've tired to being not them. Damn. Lets imagine, you're talking to someone you love today like always. But in the next day.. next week... tetiba dia rasa "eh bosan ah jadi bukan aku ni, ubah ah jadi aku dulu balik" then dia terfikir lagi "kalau dah dia sayang aku skarang, mesti dia boleh sayang aku lagi lepas ni" so they decided to reveal themself. They change slowly. and dem it, kalau perangai yg dulu tu okay, lg baik dari sekarang takpe la. Tp kalau tak? Perangai dulu lagi teruk? Emm, maybe orang yg betul betul sayang may stay. But till when? 

Macam mana kalau yg diubah tu orang takboleh nak terima? Orang tak boleh nak hadap. Orang even tak boleh nak try untuk biasakan. Orang just nak yang dulu. Tak rasa ka one day orang fikir dalam dalam.. Kenapa orang still sayang even dah tak mcm dulu. Memangla bukan orang sayang sebab dulu je, kalau ubah mcm mana pun orang tetap sayang. Tapi try bayang kucing yang tiap tiap petang tunggu kita balik for gesel gesel badan dia kat kaki kita, then one day theres no more? kucing tu dah tak tunggu kita dah tak memanja dengan kita dah. Tak rasa pelik ke? Tak terasa ke? And what if one day orang dah tak tahan dengan perangai yang ni? they miss the old you? then orang rasa give up. By that time, uhm serve you right. 

Tapi kadang kadang, ada yang tak sedar pun dia berubah. Orang sekeliling dia je yang sedar dia berubah. Ada juga yang berubah bukan jadi dia yang dulu. Tapi jadi orang lain. This case, dia mmg okay then tetiba dia berubah jadi orang lain? Yang ni erm dont know what to say. Hahaha. Ergh, what ever happen, pls be urself. Dont let emotion change urself. Dont let people change urself. If u're good enough then stop there. If you're not, make it better but do it with ur heart bc Allah and urself, not bc people ask to, bc kalau dah berubah untuk orang lain terima, untuk orang lain suka, nampak sangat tak ikhlas and im sure you'll jadi balik anda yang dulu. Bye, xoxo ♥

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12 Mac // 21:50

Entry ni dah seminggu jadi draft. Day by day aku update, then save. Lagi panjang aku karang, lagi aku rasa takmahu post. Why? bc i can. Hahaha. Then aku bukak harini, aku baca balik, aku dah tak faham apa yang aku try sampaikan. Ni mesti aku tulis time mood aku tak stabil, time aku merapu. Time aku konon konon rasa kosong seperti yg ditulis tu. Hahahahahaha. ok. bye. 

By the way, MH370, "The flight that never arrived" heart breaking news. T_T  #prayforMH370 my thoughts and prayers are all for MH370. May their family stay strong and for sure we must keep praying for them to come back. Come back safely. May Allah ease everything. :')

Uhm..

Jika ada seseorg yang bisa buat mu tenang dikala kamu sedang gundah.. pilih dia. Jika ada seseorg yg bisa buatmu tersenyum tika kamu sedang menitiskan air mata.. pilih dia. Jika ada seseorg yang bisa buat kamu berasa istimewa tika disisinya.. pilih dia. Jika tika kau sedang membaca, di kepala mu terbayang dia.. pilih dia. Akhir, jika ada seseorg yang bisa buat mu lebih bahagia daripada yang aku sedang lakukan skarang, dialah orang yang paling tepat. Pilih lah dia. Aku lebih rela melihat kamu bahagia disampingnya daripada rasa sakit nanti dikala sedar kau hanya "terpaksa" menyendeng disisi aku menagih cinta untuk menghilangkan kekesongan dihatimu dan aku mohon, jika tidak ada lagi rasa sayang dan kasih dalam hatimu buatku, lepaskan aku. Aku rela sakit untuk mengetahui kebenarannya sekarang daripada sakit keseorangan nanti jika aku ditinggalkan terawang awang.

Gua pandai bersastera ah kini. Macam bangang. Muahahaha. Entah sejak bila. Sejak tengok caption kokping di Instagram kot? Hahaha. So hows life guys? Everything goes great? or.. getting worst? But, no worry. Husnuzon, bersangka baik lah, apa yang jadi ada hikmahnya. Tunggu je dia datang bergolek or melayang. Tapi kekadang tak semudah tu, fikir jugak la sama apa hikmah dia. Amboi, mementang SPM dah habis taknak fikir langsung. Hahaha. Sebelum tidur tu.. fikir.. apa aku dah buat harini. Pahala apa aku dapat? Dosa apa aku kutip? Kenapa jadi macam tu? Kenapa jadi macam ni? But, don't think too much. It may cause self destruction then POOOOFFF over thinking. Fikir merapu last last tidur mata berair. EH APANI APANI? Sudah sudah lah merapu. Hahahaha.

So.. my work as penjaga budak will end this month. Oh God like seriously im tired. Lepas ni serius nak tidur dari pagi smpai esk pagi balik. Then nak enjoy hidup sebagai lepasan spm yg sebenar. Hahaha. Eh? No. pin UPU dah dapat. Tapi harems tak bukak lagi pun web permohonan tu. Serious, idk what to choose? Satu je dalam kepala otak, pengurusan awal kanak-kanak. Aku pun tak tahu kenapa aku nak yang tu. Padahal time SPM tak ambil pun subject tu? Haih. Erm, TESL pun macam okay? Tapi.. english pun berterabur. Berangan nk ambil TESL? T^T Oh help me somebody? What ever la, nanti fikir. Sekarang aku perlu tidur. hiks :3

and lastly, sebelum tidur. Close your eyes, forgive people. Think positive. Forget bad memories, bc ur brain need more space to save other happy memories. Then, doa ofcourse and smile. Your tomorrow morning will be better InsyaAllah. Bye, xoxo ♥