March 19, 2014

Fix you or fix me? Why not both?



Hey guys. Update time. 

Its 4:27 AM in the morning. Can't sleep. Seriously think i had insomnia disease tahap kritikal. Tomorrow. 20 March 2014. Result Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia akan di-release-kan. Aku nervous. Tak tipu. Walaupun aku cakap aku dah tak kisah what will aku dapat. But when its come about my family, think about my family, HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA damnit hati aku pecah berkecai-kecai, even gam gajah ke gam kasut ke gam uhu ke mmg tak boleh nak glued it back. Yes, i had a late night conversation with my BFFs yesterday. I love them. Forever. And yup. I know my mistake. Being too "nice". But i cant fix it. I dont have any option anymore. Im just gonna flow with it till the end. 

Im sorry. Bye, xoxo 
March 12, 2014

because i can




Hey guys. Update time.


Dia rasa nak update tp yeah like usual, no idea. So it goes random. Apa terlintas dalam kepala kita tulis. Hee :3 Tak lawa la tulisan ni. Kecik sangat. Nak baca pun jenuh kena kecilkan mata. -_- kan? Tapi macam okay. Biar ah.



Erm.. So yeah.. 20 March result and aku jujurnya cakap, aku dah macam tak kisah apa result aku nak kluar nanti. Sebab aku tahu aku buat tak elok and simpan harapan tinggi menggunung melangit buat apa kan? At last akan berkecai centu je. Buat sakit hati. Sakit otak. Tapi dah macam loser pulak ah. Ah let it go. and yang paling benci bila dah tak nak ambil kisah, mula la macam macam thought berlari lari dalam kepala, nnt aku nak masuk mana, nak jadi apa, nak makan apa. lol ni sebab dia aku tak suka berfikir. Hahahaha. Kang fikir banyak merapu je banyak. Negative thought. 

Next. Dah 3bulan lebih duk rumah. Serius bosan. Ah dulu sebelum habis sekolah ade je nak buat benda. Ade je hal yang kena urus. Tapi bila dah free like this? Tak cukup 7bulan lagipun dah takde rasa nak buat apa. Duh. Tu la cikgu cakap sebelum 3bulan lagi nak SPM "la ni hampa study la dulu, lagi 3bulan ja, lepas ni 7bulan hampa boleh main bersembang buat apa pun boleh, sekarang ni tumpu perhatian SPM dulu" hahahaha duh dalam kepala otak aku suara C. Suyamin, perbuatan dia semua terbayang. Hahaha. Adakah ini tanda aku rindu sekolah tu? Hahahahaha tidak. Yes aku rindu. Bukan sekolah. But its atmosphere. :') okay. bye.

Next. Picture up there. Huaaa nak pantai. Nak ice cream tepi pantai. Nak jalan jalan tepi pantai. Nak sentuh sentuh air ombak. Nak rasa angin pantai. Nak lari bila air datang kat kita. Nak semuaa nak semua yang boleh dibuat dipantai :( Sedihnya. Weh bestnya kalau kat tepi pantai. Tetambah kalau sorg sorg. Duk atas batu then baca novel, buat pulak scene dalam novel tu scene tepi pantai. oh  my life. Kdah. Lama tak berdamping dengan pantai. Last.. time sambut birthday. Eh? birthday sapa? Oh birthday mursyid. Lol kenapa kalau aku type birthday hujan cake tak turun kat sini. Hahahaha. Kau pikir ini wechat?

Next. Apa aku nak merapu lagi. Tengok nak merapu pun dah takdak idea? Nampak sangat kehidupan lepas SPM ni sumpah bosan. Kerja. Uhm, rasanya lagi bosan and penat. Tapi dapat duit. Tapi penat. Tapi ahhh kisah pulak. Biarkan. Movie pun takdak movie yang best. Kalau tidak, time aku SPM tu kalau boleh dia nak buh semua semua yang best. -_- Tahun ni ada movie best, bukan tak ada tapi lambat lagi tarikh release-nya . Elok nnt aku dah busy. Dah takde free time macam ni. Eceh busy apa kebende ntah. Result pun ntah pape. Hahahaha hahaha haha ha ha.... 

Next. Yeap lesen kereta is on the way to me. Muahahaha. Awal bulan 4 ni latihan 8jam tu. Then JPJ test. Then yeay my lesen. Yeaaay. But... "ish aku risau sungguh la hang nak bawak kereta" "satgi hang langgaq orang macam mana" "hang boleh ka bawak kereta ni?" hahahaha bukan orang tak risau. Even rasanya kaki ni tak sampai pun nak tekan clutch bagi habis. Hahahaha serius. Tapi ntah la? Nanti apa apa senang. Takyah tunggu orang dah. Takyah susahkan orang. Memandangkan ayah suka keluar merata. Takdak rumah seminggu dua. Kalau ada emergency, takde driver lain, at least orang yg pendek ni ada. Senang. Boleh la jugak tolong tolong. Hahaha. ok ayat pasrah tahap 6. 

Next. #prayforMH370. Dah 5hari. Erm. May their family their friend keep on stay strong and for sure we must keep praying for them to come back. Come back safely. Hopefully. May Allah ease everything. :') Amin. Bye, xoxo 
March 7, 2014

People do change



Hey guys. Update time. 

So.. today im gonna talk about changes. Not again about my "dream" to change to be better. But now, its about people. feeling. friendship. and love. Erm, yeah lately "people do change" phrase keep on flying in my mind. So i decided to googled it. Ramai sangat yang berubah dalam hidup aku skarang. Rasa kosong. Yes. Totally kosong. Tak tahu nak fikir apa. Tak tahu nak buat apa. Tak tahu.

Its hurt right to see someone you love, someone you adore is not being what they used to be? not being the old of him/her self.  They've change. Change completely. The question is why? Whereas before this, they have promised to not to do that. Yeah people right, dont promise when you're happy. Dont talk when you're mad. Dont decide when you're sad. But, back to our fault too. Terlalu percaya and terlalu sayang. Yup! Bc of that.

The most answer for why and what makes people change is ;
♦ Pain 
♦ Time
♦ Being ignored
♦ Bored
♦ Learned a lot

Yeah i admit, its make sense and I believe its the main reason. But reason lain? I think, "some" people dont really change. Over time, we just know who they really are or they've open up their mask on their face or they've tired to being not them. Damn. Lets imagine, you're talking to someone you love today like always. But in the next day.. next week... tetiba dia rasa "eh bosan ah jadi bukan aku ni, ubah ah jadi aku dulu balik" then dia terfikir lagi "kalau dah dia sayang aku skarang, mesti dia boleh sayang aku lagi lepas ni" so they decided to reveal themself. They change slowly. and dem it, kalau perangai yg dulu tu okay, lg baik dari sekarang takpe la. Tp kalau tak? Perangai dulu lagi teruk? Emm, maybe orang yg betul betul sayang may stay. But till when? 

Macam mana kalau yg diubah tu orang takboleh nak terima? Orang tak boleh nak hadap. Orang even tak boleh nak try untuk biasakan. Orang just nak yang dulu. Tak rasa ka one day orang fikir dalam dalam.. Kenapa orang still sayang even dah tak mcm dulu. Memangla bukan orang sayang sebab dulu je, kalau ubah mcm mana pun orang tetap sayang. Tapi try bayang kucing yang tiap tiap petang tunggu kita balik for gesel gesel badan dia kat kaki kita, then one day theres no more? kucing tu dah tak tunggu kita dah tak memanja dengan kita dah. Tak rasa pelik ke? Tak terasa ke? And what if one day orang dah tak tahan dengan perangai yang ni? they miss the old you? then orang rasa give up. By that time, uhm serve you right. 

Tapi kadang kadang, ada yang tak sedar pun dia berubah. Orang sekeliling dia je yang sedar dia berubah. Ada juga yang berubah bukan jadi dia yang dulu. Tapi jadi orang lain. This case, dia mmg okay then tetiba dia berubah jadi orang lain? Yang ni erm dont know what to say. Hahaha. Ergh, what ever happen, pls be urself. Dont let emotion change urself. Dont let people change urself. If u're good enough then stop there. If you're not, make it better but do it with ur heart bc Allah and urself, not bc people ask to, bc kalau dah berubah untuk orang lain terima, untuk orang lain suka, nampak sangat tak ikhlas and im sure you'll jadi balik anda yang dulu. Bye, xoxo 


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12 Mac // 21:50

Entry ni dah seminggu jadi draft. Day by day aku update, then save. Lagi panjang aku karang, lagi aku rasa takmahu post. Why? bc i can. Hahaha. Then aku bukak harini, aku baca balik, aku dah tak faham apa yang aku try sampaikan. Ni mesti aku tulis time mood aku tak stabil, time aku merapu. Time aku konon konon rasa kosong seperti yg ditulis tu. Hahahahahaha. ok. bye. 

By the way, MH370, "The flight that never arrived" heart breaking news. T_T  #prayforMH370 my thoughts and prayers are all for MH370. May their family stay strong and for sure we must keep praying for them to come back. Come back safely. May Allah ease everything. :')